Make the Halal Easy
In the name of Allah The Most Merciful The Most Gracious:
One of the joys of life is to seek one’s spouse and marry them. Where we dream of starting our own journey for the future. The feeling of security that we get knowing that we have a partner who strives with us on our own individual conquest. To see that person stay alongside us through the trials of this life and support us when things get tough. In Islam marriage is a beautiful blessing as long as both parties follow the laws of Allah SWT and fulfill their duties to each other. The Prophet Muhammed valued marriage as half of one’s religion. His sunnah is for us to get married.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me. Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will restrain his impulses.” Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1846
‘Uqbah ibn ‘Amir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “The best marriage is one that is easiest.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4163)
The hadiths above mention the beauty of marriage and sometimes we as Muslims might have clear intentions for it but parents, cultures, or family members tend to make it more complicated. Nowadays the majority of people have made the standards for marriage sky high, and it causes more of the youth to fall into temptations since that seems like the easier option.
This is scary because this type of thinking and mind frame of going for the cheaper easier option tends to desensitize the youth. Where they start to think of the opposite gender as walking flesh for their desires. It also leaves them insanely empty from within causing other sorts of addictions. Marriage itself is a beautiful blessing that one can have in life, and it’s dependent on both partners that’s for sure.
Many adults are cautious about their daughters or sons and want what’s best for them, and it’s totally ok to have that mindset. However, when it transgresses to where the male is being emotionally neglected and is wanted for only what he can provide and to where the female is being emotionally manipulated for the desires of others. Then it can lead to a cascading life-altering problem for the whole system.
The Family system is foundation!
We have to understand that the family system is one of the strongest bonds that Allah SWT has blessed us with. Had He wanted He could have brought us alone in this world, but out of His mercy he chose not to. He brought us up with others we could call our loved ones. There is wisdom behind this. If the system is messed up then how can the next generation survive and live healthy impactful lives for His sake?
If you bought a fish tank that was dirty and really gross would you clean it and then put your fish in it? Or would you put the fish in a dirty tank? The idea is simple, a clean environment brings on better forms of life not just for yourself but for the next generation as well! A family is a beautiful blessing and some of us may not have gotten the chance to go through however Allah SWT has given us the ability to make the next family structure even better.
Think of it as a new software update within our own lives. If you have parents who make marriage complicated you have to understand that regardless of what they say you need to express your views logically, calmly, and through an Islamic viewpoint.
You need to teach them through the Quran and Sunnah and encourage them that everything will be ok if Allah SWT wills. If you have someone who you want to marry then let the parents know early as well and keep them updated on how you feel. If you have a dad or mom who isn’t emotionally available then it’s okay too, just try your best to explain to them in the best way you can. Speak to them gently and explain to them thoroughly about what you truly feel.
A way to see this is by asking yourself how Prophet Abraham PBUH addressed his father about idol worship and what his way of speaking was.
The father said: “Abraham, have you turned away from my gods? If you do not give this up, I shall stone you to death. Now begone from me forever.” Abraham answered: “Peace be upon you. I shall seek pardon for you from my Lord. My Lord has always been kind to Me. (Quran 19:46-19:47)
The thing is sometimes living in Muslim households we tend to listen to our higher-ups and stay silent through some unjust decisions. However, we have to try to encourage the adults to let them know about the Quran and Sunnah and its viewpoints about marriage along with what we seek as well.
Be an advisor to your guardians and teach them what the right thing to do is, and if you feel overwhelmed remember you have a power that will help you if you just ask. Keep in mind that Allah SWT is your ally and if anyone seeks to ask for Allah SWT’s protection then remember excellent is the protector and excellent is the one who is being protected.
Never underestimate your duas! Your duas are gems of the rarest gold in this universe just call upon Allah SWT and strive to be sincere to him. Pray extra units of prayers and istikhara for guidance. Marriage is a bond till the akhirah remember if you both strive to get closer to Allah then the distance between both of you will decrease.
The Rights of Spouses
Also, it’s not just love and games both parties need to understand their responsibilities as well. As a male you have to understand your wife’s mood, and what she truly feels. You have to support her through tough and thin and be exceptionally caring especially if she is on her menstruation cycle. There are two hadiths that can help us understand this better.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Indeed, I can tell when you are angry or pleased with me.” I said, “How do you know that, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet said, “Verily, when you are pleased, you say: Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad! But when you are upset, you say: No, by the Lord of Abraham!” I said, “Yes, I do not leave out anything but your name.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5728)
The Mother of the Believers, Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) said, “The Prophet ﷺ would recline on my lap while I was menstruating and he would read the Quran.” (Bukhari)
As a female love your husband and be patient with him as well. Be his number one supporter, and reassure him when he starts to doubt himself. Show respect to what he wishes as well, and strive to be close to your creator because there is no better joy than for a husband to see his wife bow down to The Most Merciful and help raise a good offspring.
Make marriage simple, and strive for the love of Allah SWT. If your having a hard time continuing to the next chapter then understand that he is the one who writes the story. You may not know the future but you know the one who has knowledge of it, so call upon Him and ask him to ease for you the task.
Allah SWT will not leave you to yourself, he has the army of the heavens at his side and an empire that does not fall. When you have a hard time understanding turn to the King of all Kings.
He will never leave you, and will always watch over you till the very end!
Allah SWT knows best from here